Success and Failure for Millenials

A few days ago, I was doing my usual Instagram browsing when I came upon a post from someone I follow. In it, she lamented that she'd just reached another birthday - 26 this year - and instead of being excited, she gave herself a pity party and out came feelings of disappointment, as if a year has gone by and she didn't accomplish enough. This really caught my eye because for one: she is 26 years old. TWENTY SIX!!! and two: what sort of "things" can a person succeed more in at age twenty six than to get married, have kids, and start a business, all of which she has done. It baffled me for awhile, and it got me thinking about myself.

When I was in my mid-twenties, I also felt the same way, so I understood well why she felt the way she did. Although through another person's eyes (mine) she has already accomplished quite a few things - marriage, children, a good job - in her eyes, it wasn't enough. Time flies, and before you know it, you are a year older and you start doing self reflections, judging by what you've done and haven't done in comparison to your peers. What this girl hasn't realized, and what I certainly didn't realize at the time - is that it is absolutely unnecessary to be so harsh on yourself, to leave yourself in the shadow of doubt and disillusionment. As you get older, you gain a certain amount of wisdom, and dwelling on your failures should not be one of them.

Dilbert, 7.28.15

I remember on two consecutive birthdays - 24th and 25th - I was unemployed and quite unhappy. I was already married, yes - and happily so - I didn't have any kids yet and I was so confused about what to do for a career. I landed myself in a job that barely covered the bills, a job that made me cry when I came home. After a year of being miserable and two years of being uncertain, I left that job and found myself in the banking industry, where I stayed for the next four years.  For my 26th birthday, I was employed and relieved. But happiness from that job never truly materialized.

Granted, I didn't ask to graduate college only to face a recession. But the feeling was still there - personal failure. Who goes to college only to end up working entry-level jobs? I know now that I was just one of many, but at the time, it felt to me like the biggest failure. I did not feel successful in my twenties at all - and every year, on my birthday, I'd start to feel depressed, thinking that I needed more time to accomplish things and that a year has gone by too quickly.

I got to thinking WHY - Why is our generation (the Millenials, born between 1984-2004, roughly) has gone all harsh and no flexibility? Why do we keep judging ourselves and utilizing others as a crutch for our success? Why can't we define our own success, create our own path instead of trying to imitate what others are doing or what society is telling us?

With that said, I listened to a podcast from NPR's Ted Talk Radio Hour (scroll down to #22) on the subject of success and failures to gather some perspective on the concept. In it, I learned several interesting things. For example, the fact that we live in a world that is extremely past-paced. Nowadays, we have deadlines and limited time frames. Hence, the concept of time plays a big role in how we define success. It makes sense, really - because for me (and others of my generation), it feels like there's not enough time to do all that I want to do. There's only so much time during the day, hence we all have to make tough choices as to what we want focus our attention on. We can't all be good at our jobs AND be good at home at the same time. One has to give. It is a true balancing act, especially for women, where child rearing and evolution and relationships come into play. Life is no longer as simple as the Leave It To Beaver days, or even Full House days.

Secondly, as the human race becomes more advanced in technology, medical breakthroughs and the like, it becomes increasingly important to set high expectations, both for work and for personal. I think I got trapped in the 'high personal expectations' phase for a long time. I may have been born in the '80s and grown up in the '90s, but coming from a generation that did not have a lot of resources or opportunities, my parents placed even bigger claims to my chances for success. As with many Asian parents, they expected me to do better, to be better, hence I grew up with high expectations of myself. So when college came to an end, and jobs were scarce, it became difficult to grasp with the fact that I was facing a lot of competition.

Not only that, we face competition from our peers. As mentioned above, life is no longer as simple as the 50s. The shifting of the agricultural mecca to the Industrial Revolution made way for the un-simplifying way of life. College is no longer a choice based on  whether or not you have the money to go - it is a necessary path towards a better life, better job prospects and better understanding of our role as citizens. Due to competition, or rather because of it, we have become a generation that propels competition and comparison. We judge ourselves based on what others our age/status have achieved.

Think about this quote...

"When we think about failing in life, when we think about failure, one of the reasons why we fear failing is not just a loss of income, a loss of status. What we fear is the judgment and ridicule of others." - Alain de Botton, Ted Talk, 2009

I am absolutely guilty of that, and I'm working on changing it.

Oh, as for the Instagram chick? I told her to keep setting achievable goals for herself, but she also has a lot of time on her hands, so don't she shouldn't be so hard on herself if she doesn't achieve them by a certain time.